Tradie Girl

They say that you covert what you see,
& he saw you every day.
So you sent him photos of your flabby arse
In your best lingerie.

You know that he describes you
As very unattractive,
With a head like a hat full of arseholes.
Pasty face, chipped teeth, mouse hair
A body-shape distinctly pear -
Your tits flopping loose in your overalls!

You’re too ugly to be a Suicide Girl,
But I wish you’d fucking die!
& if I see you on the street,
You’d better grow wings on your feet.
You’d better fly!

He was my sun, my moon, my world
& he said I was his only girl -
His only girl.

I trusted him so completely,
& I loved him like family -
Like family.

When I found those photos of your snatch,
I called you right away.
In your gormless slutty voice,
You had the gall to say -

(spoken, in Aussie scrubber voice)

“O, well, you know I’ve been through a bad break-up
& I’m just clutching at whatever I can get
To boost my self esteem.
We never thought you’d find out,
& get hurt,
So I’m really sorry about that.
We never thought you’d find out.”

Tradie Girl, you clutching sook!
Tradie Girl, you dogface scrubber!
Tradie Girl, you trashbag crook!
You knew he had a girlfriend -
You’re my friend on Facebook!

You’re too ugly to be a Suicide Girl,
But I wish you’d fucking die!
& if I see you on the street,
You’d better grow wings on your feet.
You’d better fly!

You’re too ugly to be a Suicide Girl,
But I hope you fucking die!
& if I see you on the street,
You’d better grow wings on your feet.
You’d better fly!

© Talie Helene 2010. All Rights Reserved.

© Talie Helene 2010. All Rights Reserved.

© Talie Helene, 2010. All Rights Reserved.

© Talie Helene, 2006. All Rights Reserved.

You can find Talie’s non-fiction regularly featured in the following vanguard publications -

Black – Australian Dark Culture

Australia’s dark culture and entertainment magazine.

Whether it’s books, movies, music, television, games, comics, alternative lifestyles, fashion, paranormal, occult, or true crime — if it’s dark, it’s BLACK.

BLACK includes:

• Interviews with celebrities, authors, musicians, and artists.
• Columns on everything from Aussie horror to bizarre medical cases.
• News, political, lifestyle, and pop culture articles.
• Book, movie, and game reviews.
• Dark short stories.
• & much more!

Learn more about Talie’s Waltzing Macabre column in Black – Australian Dark Culture.

Zero Tolerance Magazine

Since its inception in 2004, Zero Tolerance has set the agenda for extreme music, representing the sonically unacceptable without compromise, exposing the darkest, most obscure recesses of the musical imagination and celebrating its diversity. From black, death and folk metal through to industrial, noise, power electronics and neofolk, Zero Tolerance has consistently covered the music that other publications simply don’t even know about – and while they play catch-up, ZT remains several steps ahead.

Talie has been a Staff Writer with ZT since mid-2005.

Click through and discover the UK bible of extreme music: ZERO TOLERANCE MAGAZINE

The following digest of recent horror news is compiled from pieces published to HorrorScope and the Australian Horror Writers’ Association website.

Blood, Boggarts and Battlestars: An Introduction to Speculative Fiction with Margo Lanagan
Come to the New South Wales Writers Centre, and dig around in the three genres that make up spec fic today: science fiction, fantasy and horror. Tutor Margo Lanagan is passionate about genre fiction, and keen to impart this love of the fabulous to her students. Lanagan explains how she has crafted a hands-on course to get students writing in genre right away. “This workshop will be a learn-by-doing experience. There won’t be a lot of theory; instead I’ll send you off into space, or the dark forest, or into the murderer’s arms, to see what you encounter, to see what you find and bring back.” New South Wales Writers Centre, Saturday 6 March, 10am – 4pm.

Writing Imaginary Worlds with Richard Harland
Do you have ideas for invented worlds and alternative realms? Perhaps you should be writing in the imaginative genres of speculative fiction. The New South Wales Writers’ Centre has just the course for you! Fantasy, science fiction and horror not only demand more imagination than other genres but also a high level of narrative technique. This workshop shows how to turn your imaginative ideas into a fully fleshed-out story – strategies for involving the reader in another world, conveying foreground and background at the same time, ‘defining’ a mystery, building to a climax … and not forgetting the very important art of pitching to a publisher! New South Wales Writers Centre, Sunday 9 May, 10am – 4pm.

Eclecticism #11
Eclecticism #11 is up and running, and ready to download for free from the website. Issue #11 features the haunting theme ‘Ghost Story‘ and the work of: Keith Nunes, Myra King, Mark Smith-Briggs , Trost, Lynley Stace, Nicholas Deigman, Allan Wilson, E. Armanious, Chantel Schott, and featured artist Katie Ryan.

Aurealis Awards Winners
The Aurealis Award winners for 2009 were announced at the thirteenth annual Aurealis Awards ceremony at the Judith Wright Centre of Contemporary Arts in Brisbane on Saturday 24 January 2010. Click through to view a complete list of winners in all categories, and links to down-loadable Judges Reports.

Continuum 6 – Future Tense
The killer robots are beating down the front door while the mutant hordes gather at the back; your emotional inhibitor is on the fritz again and your computer has started calling you “Dave”; the world outside is a burning wasteland, but that’s OK, there’s an ice age right around the corner; so climb into your nutrient tank and get comfy – it’s going to be a lovely apocalypse. This year’s guests of honour include: futurist writer and virtual reality pioneer Mark Pesce (Hyperpeople, ABC’s New Inventors) and Aurealis-award winning author Kim Westwood (The Oracle, The Daughters of Moab). Panel discussions, workshops, readings and more. Continuum 6 are host to the awards night for the Chronos Awards for excellence in Victorian science fiction, fantasy and horror in 2009. ether Convention Space, 26-28 February.

Victorian Writers Centre Upcoming Events & Year-Long Programs
The Victorian Writers Centre are offering a range of professional development and creative writing courses and workshops. Select highlights include Hook a Publisher with a Great Proposal Masterclass with Sheila Hollingworth; Inside Publishing & Editing – A Head Start weekend workshop with Christine Nagel; Year of SF & Fantasy with Paul Collins; Year of the Novel – Advanced with Andrea Goldsmith. For the full program, see www.vwc.org.au.

JUMP National Mentoring Program for Young and Emerging Artists
Are you a creative, young Australian on the cusp of a great artistic career? You’ve got the talent, the vision and the drive it’s going to take – but do you have the professional skill set, one on one support and national network to match? JUMP can make sure that you do. Applications to be a mentee or mentor in the inaugural JUMP program in 2010 must be submitted to Youth Arts Queensland by 5pm (Brisbane time), Friday 26 February.

Hugo Awards Nominations
The Hugo Awards are awards for excellence in the field of science fiction and fantasy. They were first awarded in 1953, and have been awarded every year since 1955. The 2010 Hugo Awards will be presented in Melbourne, Australia during Aussiecon 4, the 68th World Science Fiction Convention. Members of Aussiecon 4 who joined before February 1, and members of Anticipation, the 67th World Science Fiction Convention, are eligible to nominate people or works from 2009 in various categories. Nominations for the 2010 Hugo Awards will close 13 March.

Submitting News

If you have news about Australian and New Zealand Horror publishing and film, or news of professional development opportunities in the field, feel free to submit news to Talie Helene, AHWA News Editor. Just visit HorrorScope, and click on the convenient email link. (International news is not unwelcome, although relevance to Antipodean literary arts practitioners is strongly preferred.)

For information on the Australian Horror Writers’ Association, visit australianhorror.com.

This AHWA NEWS DIGEST has been compiled, written, and republished in select Australian horror haunts by Talie Helene. Currently archived at the AHWA MySpace page, and Southern Horror; hosted at the social networking sites Darklands and A Writer Goes On A Journey; and hosted by AHWA members Felicity Dowker, Brenton Tomlinson, Scott Wilson, and Jeff Ritchie (Scary Minds: Horror’s Last Colonial Outpost).

If you would like to support the AHWA News effort by hosting a copy of the AHWA News Digest on your blog or website, contact Talie to receive a fully formatted HTML edition of the digest by email.

ZERO TOLERANCE
ISSUE 033 – JAN / FEB 2010

“I know that whatever lies ahead of us is going to be really interesting.” – Satyr

Satyricon frontman Satyr has spoken to Zero Tolerance Magazine about his band’s previously announced ‘new chapter’ and forthcoming down-time. During a joint interview with Shining’s Niklas Kvarforth, Satyr shares his experiences of the Noughties and looks ahead to the next decade. He says: “It’s going to be a big challenge, but we thrive on big challenges. We don’t know what the future holds, but even though we have a lot of faith in the future and we feel like this decision to take a break feels right, we feel really good about it. I know that whatever lies ahead of us is going to be really interesting. I have already, just the fact that I know that we’re taking a break, has made by brain work at a faster rate. I’m excited. I’ve told Frost that there are new things that I want him to start on now, and I’ve ordered some new instruments that I’ve not used before. We’re looking into new song writing techniques, different mental approaches and also there are some good things from the past that we’re going to try and build on. From a spiritual point of view, for the last couple of records it’s been very useful to do a lot of the writing in cabins. The majority of Age Of Nero was written that way. I’m thinking about maybe renting a house, just to get away from it all, work in an environment with nothing.”

Satyr and Kvarforth share the cover of the new issue of Zero Tolerance, which marks the dawn of a new decade in extreme and underground music, and features additional contributions from Ihsahn, Sigh, Skullflower and De Profundis. ZT writers also share their own personal takes on the last ten years, and even undertake the unenviable task of whittling down their favourite releases to a mere ten.

Zero Tolerance editor Calum Harvie said: “As we’ve just entered a new decade, we thought it interesting to reflect upon how extreme music has changed over the past 10 years. Because the underground is so diverse, we appreciated from the outset that trying to identify just one band or album as being the artist / release of the decade would be utterly meaningless and blinkered, which is why we have interrogated a swathe of musicians to share with us their personal experiences. We like to be in good company, so who better than Satyr and Niklas Kvarforth to give us a revealing insight into their personal experiences of the decade.”

ZERO TOLERANCE ISSUE 033, JAN/FEB 2010. ONSALE NOW!

Available from WHSmith, HMV, John Menzies, Barnes & Noble (US) and all good independent newsagents. Subscriptions and back issues available from www.ztmag.com.

ZERO TOLERANCE MAGAZINE
REPRESENTING THE SONICALLY UNACCEPTABLE
BUY IT. READ IT. SPREAD DISSENT.
www.ztmag.com

Since its inception in 2004, Zero Tolerance has set the agenda for extreme music, representing the sonically unacceptable without compromise, exposing the darkest, most obscure recesses of the musical imagination and celebrating its diversity. From black, death and folk metal through to industrial, noise, power electronics and neofolk, Zero Tolerance has consistently covered the music that other publications simply don’t even know about – and while they play catch-up, ZT remains several steps ahead.